Auntie Kate The Resale Expert

Have you ever, while perusing the menu, asked a waiter waitperson what the vegetables are in a restaurant? Chances are the answer is “a vegetable medley.”

What? My fiber’s gonna sing to me? After all, the first definition of “medley” is

a musical composition consisting of a series of songs

or other musical pieces from various sources

I don’t want singing veggies, unless of course they’re singing in the tub, bathed in a nice velvety Hollandaise, or showered with a fresh citrus glaze with just a soupcon of balsamic…

So I figure, hey, maybe I’m wrong. Sometimes I am. Maybe there’s some other definition of medley. So I check Webster’s which says

1. A mixture; a mingled and confused mass of ingredients,

 usually inharmonious; a jumble; a hodgepodge;

-- often used contemptuously.

Could that be what the chef means? Doubt it. Unless it’s the chef who is

2. Mingled; confused.

So why can’t they just say what they mean? Whatever vegetables were on sale at the supplier’s is probably pretty close to the truth. After all, you don’t see broccoli on American Idol. No rutabagas rapping or yodeling yams, please. Just put some nice plant matter on my plate, please. Medley of vegetables indeed. It’s enough to drive a woman to French fries. Hold the caterwauling catsup.